About transitioning from online to “real life”…
The transition from online to offline is a delicate process. In fact, this is one of the major snags that men run into that destroys their success with net dating.
It’s easy to get stuck in an endless cycle of emailing back and forth.
Getting a real “date” as soon as possible is essential. After all, that is the whole point of online dating. Still, you wouldn’t believe how many guys just end up writing emails back and forth with a girl… and that’s it. More often than not, at some point she just stops writing back and the guy moves on to the next girl wondering what went wrong. Here is what went wrong…
You can’t create attraction through email.
It’s just not going to happen. Attraction and chemistry happens in real life, face-to-face encounters. All endless emailing does is give you an opportunity for your mouth to get you into trouble. You’ll say something wrong or something she doesn’t like and she will cross you off her list. And, that won’t be hard for her to do because she doesn’t have any attraction for you at that point – only a very vague, very fragile interest in you.
So your goal should be to set up a date as soon as possible before the momentum of having “just met” dies down.
But, here we run into another problem…
Unfortunately, online dating got a bad rep early on… people thought that online dating was only used by two types of people – nerds and psychos.
If you get a little too aggressive and/or sound a little too eager about setting up a real date, a woman may become suspicious that you are of the latter group (the psychos).
The transition from online to offline is a delicate process. In fact, this is one of the major snags that men run into that destroys their success with net dating.
It’s easy to get stuck in an endless cycle of emailing back and forth.
Getting a real “date” as soon as possible is essential. After all, that is the whole point of online dating. Still, you wouldn’t believe how many guys just end up writing emails back and forth with a girl… and that’s it. More often than not, at some point she just stops writing back and the guy moves on to the next girl wondering what went wrong. Here is what went wrong…
You can’t create attraction through email.
It’s just not going to happen. Attraction and chemistry happens in real life, face-to-face encounters. All endless emailing does is give you an opportunity for your mouth to get you into trouble. You’ll say something wrong or something she doesn’t like and she will cross you off her list. And, that won’t be hard for her to do because she doesn’t have any attraction for you at that point – only a very vague, very fragile interest in you.
So your goal should be to set up a date as soon as possible before the momentum of having “just met” dies down.
But, here we run into another problem…
Unfortunately, online dating got a bad rep early on… people thought that online dating was only used by two types of people – nerds and psychos.
If you get a little too aggressive and/or sound a little too eager about setting up a real date, a woman may become suspicious that you are of the latter group (the psychos).
A delicate balance between the passive (endless emailing) and aggressive (asking too soon) is needed.
Hence the need for “transitioning” which is basically a sequence of “baby steps” to make moving into real world dating comfortable and non-threatening while still maintaining the momentum and urgency needed to so that the contact between you and your potential date doesn’t become stale and stagnant.
Here is how and why transitioning works…
A woman will not feel comfortable meeting you in the real world until she is at least somewhat certain that you are not an axe murderer.
Since you aren’t (you aren’t right?) the best way to do this is to give her a variety of increasingly more “intimate” experiences with you.
If you “just send a few emails back and forth” a woman won’t feel that she knows you very well and will likely think you are moving too fast asking for a “real date.”
But, if you email, talk on IM, talk on the phone and THEN ask for the date she will be many times more comfortable and thus much more likely to say “YES.”
Don’t ask me why, this is just a quirk of human nature – the more varied our experiences with someone the better we feel we know them. A woman would feel she knows you better after only 3 emails, 10 minutes on IM, and 15 minutes on the phone than she would if you emailed her 75 times.
Email is good for only one thing…
For our purposes email is to be used for one thing and one thing only… getting her IM screen name so that you can transition quickly to that.
Here is how it should go up to this point… you find a woman with an interesting profile, you send her a unique email, she responds, you respond back and ask her for her IM name.
Once you get her screen name just IM back and forth for a little bit – 10 minutes at the most. You will probably want to talk to her for longer but DON’T. Resist the temptation!
Here’s three very important reasons why…
1.) There are few things that will make you seem more boring (and less attractive) than a lull in conversation. Staying on IM until the conversation runs dry is “attraction murder”… it leaves a figurative bad taste in her mouth afterwards.
Hence the need for “transitioning” which is basically a sequence of “baby steps” to make moving into real world dating comfortable and non-threatening while still maintaining the momentum and urgency needed to so that the contact between you and your potential date doesn’t become stale and stagnant.
Here is how and why transitioning works…
A woman will not feel comfortable meeting you in the real world until she is at least somewhat certain that you are not an axe murderer.
Since you aren’t (you aren’t right?) the best way to do this is to give her a variety of increasingly more “intimate” experiences with you.
If you “just send a few emails back and forth” a woman won’t feel that she knows you very well and will likely think you are moving too fast asking for a “real date.”
But, if you email, talk on IM, talk on the phone and THEN ask for the date she will be many times more comfortable and thus much more likely to say “YES.”
Don’t ask me why, this is just a quirk of human nature – the more varied our experiences with someone the better we feel we know them. A woman would feel she knows you better after only 3 emails, 10 minutes on IM, and 15 minutes on the phone than she would if you emailed her 75 times.
Email is good for only one thing…
For our purposes email is to be used for one thing and one thing only… getting her IM screen name so that you can transition quickly to that.
Here is how it should go up to this point… you find a woman with an interesting profile, you send her a unique email, she responds, you respond back and ask her for her IM name.
Once you get her screen name just IM back and forth for a little bit – 10 minutes at the most. You will probably want to talk to her for longer but DON’T. Resist the temptation!
Here’s three very important reasons why…
1.) There are few things that will make you seem more boring (and less attractive) than a lull in conversation. Staying on IM until the conversation runs dry is “attraction murder”… it leaves a figurative bad taste in her mouth afterwards.
On the other hand, getting off while the conversation is still rolling and going well will leave her with a great impression of you. Plus, she will be wanting more and building a healthy amount of anticipation for your next meeting.
2.) Just like with email, attraction is not created over IM. It just won’t happen. In fact, as you communicate on the phone, on IM, or in email without having a meeting in the real world, her interest is very slowly fading.
3.) Wearing out your welcome. People like to talk for a while but after a certain point people may want to, or need to, do something else and aren’t quite sure how to say it. So, they keep talking but in their mind they are thinking “Jeez, can’t this person take a hint?” It annoys the girl and makes the guy look clueless thereby lowering attraction and hurting your chances of success.
Make talking to you valuable…
Don’t talk to her all the time – you don’t want to make yourself too available or she will have no reason to want to meet you on a date.
One drawback to IM is that a woman can see when you are online which makes the scarcity mentality hard to create if you are online a lot. So, if you are online a lot you may want to block her IM name.
For this reason I recommend creating a whole new IM account to use for dating purposes.
So, talk to her on IM for 10-15 minutes. After about that amount of time, wait for a connection and then ask her for her number.
A connection is a positive experience the two of you share. It might be that you made her laugh, you might of realized you had something in common, etc.
Whatever the case, ask for her number IMMEDIATELY after the connection occurs.
This way she will be more likely to say yes. Ask her when the best time to call is, thank her and then GET OFF.
2.) Just like with email, attraction is not created over IM. It just won’t happen. In fact, as you communicate on the phone, on IM, or in email without having a meeting in the real world, her interest is very slowly fading.
3.) Wearing out your welcome. People like to talk for a while but after a certain point people may want to, or need to, do something else and aren’t quite sure how to say it. So, they keep talking but in their mind they are thinking “Jeez, can’t this person take a hint?” It annoys the girl and makes the guy look clueless thereby lowering attraction and hurting your chances of success.
Make talking to you valuable…
Don’t talk to her all the time – you don’t want to make yourself too available or she will have no reason to want to meet you on a date.
One drawback to IM is that a woman can see when you are online which makes the scarcity mentality hard to create if you are online a lot. So, if you are online a lot you may want to block her IM name.
For this reason I recommend creating a whole new IM account to use for dating purposes.
So, talk to her on IM for 10-15 minutes. After about that amount of time, wait for a connection and then ask her for her number.
A connection is a positive experience the two of you share. It might be that you made her laugh, you might of realized you had something in common, etc.
Whatever the case, ask for her number IMMEDIATELY after the connection occurs.
This way she will be more likely to say yes. Ask her when the best time to call is, thank her and then GET OFF.
Again, IM for about 10-15 minutes then, at the close of the conversation, which should still be rolling along at a decent clip, you should say that you have to go but you would like to talk to her again.
Then ask for her phone number.
She shouldn’t have too many reservations about giving it to you. If she does then just tease her a little bit. Say “Oh come on, it’s just your phone number…” If she still resists then let it go.
Don’t be afraid to call her the next day – the three day waiting thing is a silly myth most women don’t care. In fact, now that everyone knows about the three day waiting rule it almost makes you look foolish if you wait exactly three days.
Then ask for her phone number.
She shouldn’t have too many reservations about giving it to you. If she does then just tease her a little bit. Say “Oh come on, it’s just your phone number…” If she still resists then let it go.
Don’t be afraid to call her the next day – the three day waiting thing is a silly myth most women don’t care. In fact, now that everyone knows about the three day waiting rule it almost makes you look foolish if you wait exactly three days.
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