Join Best Online Dating

Which Online Dating website you join makes a HUGE difference. The websites vary a great deal in size of membership database, usability, and quality of service. All things being equal, the most important factor is the size of the member base. Logically, the larger the member base the more women will meet your criteria and the greater the chances of your success. The two best sites1… There are A LOT of matchmaking sites out there on the Internet. I’ve thoroughly researched about 25 of the most popular sites out there and found two that stood out head and shoulders about all the rest. One for those just interested and casual dating and one for those people looking for long-term, serious relationships. This is really a gross generalization. I actually think you should check out both and see which one you like best. The great thing about both these sites is that you can search for matches without having to pay anything. For casual dating… I’ve researched most of the most popular dating sites and determined that the best one out there in terms of usability, size of database, etc. is, hands down. - You can chat online with other singles through their site. This is a great feature for getting to know women and is only found on a few of the better sites. - “Tease” feature where you can send another member a one-liner as a hint for them to check out your profile – can be fun. 1 This is just my opinion based on my experiences. You may have had different experiences. That is fine. Please do not email me and describe why you disagree.

- 24 hour help line. You can call and ask their tech support questions at any hour of the night. Much better than waiting for them to respond to emails. - Your email address remains cloaked (hidden) the whole time so you don’t have to worry about your inbox being filled with SPAM from advertisers. - Join free, start using it, and (if you like it) THEN you pay. For long-term relationships… If you are serious about finding your perfect match I highly, highly recommend is eHarmony.com. eHarmony.com is a little more expensive but it is unique in that they have a very detailed sign up process that includes a personality assessment. This part is free and quite interesting (after you are done they tell you all about your personality). They then “match” you with compatible people based on over 29 separate criteria. How well does it work? I thought it was a hoax but I must say that I have met several women through eHarmony.com that I am so compatible with it’s scary. Give it a try. I’ve actually talked to quite a few people that have had similar success with this site. I think they have something like 250 confirmed marriages! Not bad for such a (relatively) new site. Apparently this website employs psychologist to get results. If you have the means… If you really want to stack the deck in your favor you may want to join. By joining sites you will have doubled your selection of women. If you do this be careful to pace yourself when using the techniques in this book (for instance, if you send out a bunch of emails you may end up with a bottleneck of replies and then miss out on some missed opportunities).
Later I will tell you about a computer program you can use to keep the women straight. Something to know before joining… When you join you will be asked to enter some information about yourself. None of it is important because it can be changed at a later time EXCEPT your username which CANNOT be edited later. So don’t choose anything goofy, dumb, or nasty because that will drive women away. Somehow including your name in your username is always a safe bet.

Attractive Picture

THIS STEP IS NOT OPTIONAL…
Posting a picture with your profile is NOT optional.
You will be tempted to skip this because it is a pain in the butt, because you will think that a picture will do nothing but drive women away, or because you are worried someone will recognize you.
All of these worries are irrational.
The most common objection is that people feel that they are unattractive and posting a picture will only drive women away – this is not true. You will miss out on meeting women because they don’t see your profile – not because they don’t like what they see.
Here’s why…
There is a box that people can check when searching profiles that excludes ads without photos… 3 OUT OF 4 PEOPLE CHECK THAT BOX! That means that your ad will only be viewed by 25% of people if you don’t put a picture on your ad.
According to Udate.com those who post a picture on their profile get four times as much mail as those who don’t! Here are their exact words from an email they sent out:
“Did you know you could significantly increase the interest shown in you by ladies if you included a photograph with your profile? It's really easy to post a photo on udate. Members with photos get at least four times as much mail as those without. You can boost ladies' interest even further by remembering to visit udate regularly, say once or twice a week. With any form of socializing, being seen is so important to meeting someone.”
So there you have it, straight from the horse’s mouth. Even the online dating sites have noticed the dramatic difference in results their members get from posting a picture.
SIDENOTE: They also mention that their members should log into their account fairly often. This isn’t a problem for most people but it’s important to know that people can also search on the most “active” profiles. They measure the “activity” of a profile by how recently the owner has logged in to check their emails, etc. This way the “dead” profiles where no one has logged in for 6 months won’t come up because, obviously, if someone hasn’t logged in for 6 months they aren’t likely to see your email to them (let alone answer it).
AmericanSingles.com did a poll about the biggest turn-offs about people’s profiles. Last time I checked these were the results:
No photo – 48.4%
Spelling errors – 17%
Incomplete essays – 6.5%
Too negative – 12.3%
Sound like everyone else – 15%
So, I’ve showed you in several ways now that the biggest thing you can do to shoot yourself in the foot is to not post a photo of yourself.
No excuses…
At one time it might have been a pain to get a digital picture but nowadays digital cameras are very common – chances are that your friend has one if you don’t. If not, you can scan a picture and put it on a disk at any local Wal-Mart. You can even get your pictures from a regular camera put on a CD and mailed to you.
If you are technologically inept then have one of your friends help you with this. Just tell them that it’s an experiment or something I’m sure they will be glad to help.

Very few people are “recognized” by others. The chances of someone you know seeing your picture is very small. Even if someone you know did see it, so what? Online dating isn’t something to be embarrassed of anymore.
If you can’t brush your irrational fears and concerns to the side, just look at the numbers… having a picture on your profile has proven to boost responses anywhere from 75 – 350%. If you fail to put a picture on your profile you are missing out on 75% (or more) of the women you would have met!
Having a good, appealing picture on your profile is a NECESSITY not an option. If you fail to do this is you will experience mediocre results with online dating… it’s just a mathematical fact.
Here are some general tips…
Get 5 – 10 recent (last six months) pictures of yourself together… the more the better. Have them be from different days, in different clothes, etc. Just try to get a variety of pictures.
If you are self-conscious about a certain part of your body then feel free to focus on a different aspect. For example, if you are concerned about your weight use a head only shot. If you are concerned about your face then a picture that is farther away and shows your whole body will draw less attention to your face.
Make sure the picture is only you – no family, friends, or pets.
Avoid fuzzy web cam pictures – the grainy, very unclear pictures produced by web cams are very annoying to other people and actually make you look bad.
Avoid sunglasses, hats, or anything else that is distracting.
Make your picture classy. A classy picture wouldn’t have a “busy” background. An outdoor picture against a simple landscape such as on the beach in front of the water would count as classy. Try to have what you are wearing be classy also. Classy clothes are usually just simple and modern.
Finding the perfect picture…
You cannot judge which picture you look best in. Most guys (probably 99%) cannot do this so do NOT assume that you can.
You are going to have to seek outside help on this.
Find an HONEST female friend (preferably a BRUTALLY HONEST female friend) and have her look over your photos have her rank them in the order she likes them.

If you have another BRUTALLY HONEST female friend it does, of course, help if you have another woman repeat this process.
Take the pictures that they both seemed to like and make them digital (if they are not already) by scanning them. Again, get help if this seems daunting to you... don’t skip it.
If you are not willing to seek outside help, try posting your picture to a site like www.hotornot.com one at a time and using the ranking to determine which picture you look best in. Be careful that you let a lot of people rank each photo so that you have an accurate measure of each.
Even if your aren’t willing to go through all this work just to identify a good-looking picture of yourself, posting a picture on www.hotornot.com will give you a good idea of what women think of how you look, which, can be interesting if nothing else.
“Can’t I just scan an old Polaroid?”
I’ll be the first to admit that this seems like a lot of work just to get a couple of good pictures of yourself. BUT, this is so INCREDIBLY important to whether you will meet lots of new women using online dating that it deserves every ounce of effort you put in… and then some.
A few really good pictures of yourself is your key to getting women interested in meeting you. A mediocre picture won’t get you as many responses and the lack of a picture almost guarantees that very few women find you (let alone want to meet you).
SIDENOTE: If you don’t have a digital camera handy it’s good to get quite a few pictures in digital format ready to email. Often women will want to email pics back and forth just for fun and to get a better idea of who you are.

Instant Messenger

Instant messenger programs are now used by millions of people worldwide. Instant messaging has taken the world by storm. And why not, it’s FUN, EASY, and CHEAP way to keep in touch with people.
If you don’t already have an Instant messenger program (or even if you do) I recommend Trillion:
http://download.com.com/3000-2150-10148311.html?tag=lst-0-1
… because it is compatible with all the different IM programs. That way you can avoid installing three separate software programs for the most popular IM programs – AOL Instant Messenger (AIM), Microsoft Messenger, and ICQ Chat.
It’s an all-in-one solution.
If you are confused by all of this here is a detailed, easy-to-understand explanation of instant messaging:
http://computer.howstuffworks.com/instant-messaging.htm
Why IM?
Instant messaging is a great way to transition from the online world to the offline world (phone).
As we will discuss later, women are often uncomfortable with making a leap from email to a real life date. Instant messaging is just one of the “baby steps” you will take to speed up this transition while making it more comfortable for her.
TIPS:

• Even if you already have an IM screen name create another one solely for the purpose of online dating so that you can stay organized.

• Have your IM screen name and personals username match. This way the person you are talking to will not be (as) confused about who she is talking to.

o Also, it’s a good idea to have a separate account you use for online dating so that, if you are usually online all day long, women won’t think you have no life ☺.

o IMPORTANT: Be sure to include a smiley after you tease so that the woman doesn’t take you seriously (which will happen more often than you would think).

• IM conversations should be more playful than normal conversations otherwise they will seem very boring (because it’s just text). Save the “So what do you do?” type questions for face-to-face (and even then they should be avoided).

Attractive Profile

In the “dating game,” on some level, you are trying to convince another human being that you are valuable and worth having around. Almost as if you were a microwave or something.
Think of your personal ad as your advertisement… you are selling yourself to women.
You are trying to make yourself sound as attractive and trying to persuade them to get to know you without seeming desperate.
If you go overboard and start talking yourself up you can be perceived as full of yourself. If you try to be too persuasive or pushy a woman may think you are desperate.
You have to strike a delicate balance.
Since they are so similar, let’s go over some rules that apply to both successful advertising and creating a compelling profile:
PERCIVED VALUE…
IN ADVERTISING:
Oddly enough, advertisers find that sometimes they can actually sell MORE products by RAISING the price. This is counter-intuitive, you would think that raising the price would reduce sales but this is not always the case.
Reason being that people perceive something with higher price to be more valuable and, conversely, if something is inexpensive they usually perceive it to be cheap. The higher the price the higher the perceived value. The more valuable something seems to them more likely people are to buy.
IN ONLINE DATING:

Don’t sound desperate, beg, or feel sorry for yourself in your ad… by doing so you lower your perceived value. Plus, women find this absolutely repulsive.
If you want to be perceived as someone who is worth dating then you have to ACT like someone that is worth dating and you have to post the profile of someone that is worth dating.
Don’t worry about being modest – talk about your strengths, your talents, what makes you great, etc.
HEADLINES CAN BOOST RESPONSE UP TO 300%...
IN ADVERTISING:
Advertisers have found that the success of a direct mail campaign (an ad you get in the mail) is closely correlated to the strength of the headline. A headline is the big, bold text at the top of an ad that motivates you to read the smaller print.
It’s the text that draws you in.
IN ONLINE DATING:
A good headline can have a similar impact on the success of your personal ad. Since a woman browses through hundreds of these headlines one that really sticks out will motivate her to click on it and view the rest of your profile.
One man reported getting 99 responses to a personal ad using a particular headline (previously he didn’t have anywhere NEAR that success and that was the only change he made to his ad!). What was his headline?
“I want a partner, not just a date.”
That one may not be right for you but if it fits… go with it. Another one that has gotten a good response is:
“Seeking an Angel… Is This You?”
DON’T WAIT FOR THE PROSPECT TO FIND YOU…
IN ADVERTISING:

One of the biggest mistakes businesses make is failing to advertise enough. Some businesses assume that the only kind of advertising that will work for them is word of mouth advertising.
This is a mistake. Businesses shouldn’t expect the customer to be looking for them. They need to pursue and find their customers. Failing to do so means that they are losing customers.
IN ONLINE DATING:
You can’t wait for the women to find you. You have to put your “advertisement” in front of them. Failing to do so means that you are missing out on dates with wonderful women that you may not meet otherwise.
PEOPLE BUY BASED ON HOW THEY FEEL…
IN ADVERTSING:
Successful advertisers know that people decide to buy based on emotion and then use logic to justify their decision.
IN ONLINE DATING:
If you can keep your ad pleasant, positive, and, if possible, make it exciting, women will be more likely to respond.
CERTAIN WORDS HAVE FEELINGS ATTACHED…
IN ADVERTISING:
“Vicious” has a very different feeling than “mean” even though their definitions are close. “Ecstasy” has a different feeling than “enjoyable.” Good advertisers are aware of the connotations that the words they use have on their prospects.
Using words with positive, alluring connotations can make a prospect more likely to act on the ad and make the purchase.
IN ONLINE DATING:
The same applies to your personal AD. You should use words that will send the message you are looking for. Rather than saying “Single, white

male in search of…” say “Dashing young male on the prowl for a sensuous lady friend…”
Well, maybe not to that extreme but you should try to replace boring words with more exciting and attracting words when possible.
ASK FOR THE SALE…
IN ADVERTISING:
As obvious as it may seem simply asking someone to “BUY NOW” can dramatically boost response to an ad. Hence those annoying infomercials…
IN ONLINE DATING:
Online dating is no exception – you have to let the woman know what you want. Do you want her to respond to your ad? Then ask her to.
At the end of your profile give a “call to action.” Say something along the lines of “Send me an email if you are interested…”
TIP: Including a “write back” at the end of your FIRST email to a woman will make her more likely to respond. However, don’t write “please write back” as that will make you look desperate.
IF SOMETHING DOESN’T WORK, TRY SOMETHING ELSE…
IN ADVERTISING:
If a product is good but it isn’t selling then most advertisers know that they need to change the approach of their advertising. Either to focus on a different selling point of the product or just because the old ad sucked.
IN ONLINE DATING:
If you are finding that your ad isn’t getting as many women to respond as you would like then just start over. Scrap it. Try a different approach.
FOCUS ON BENEFITS NOT FEATURES…
IN ADVERTISING: A feature is what the product does. A benefit is what that feature does for the person. So, for example, a Ferrari having a V12 is feature. The car going fast as hell is a benefit.

In general, people are more impressed with benefits than they are features.
IN ONLINE DATING:
Don’t just describe your features – explain how they will benefit her! For example, “I enjoy outside activities and sports” would better be stated as “I enjoy sports and outside activities so we will have a great time together.”
Make the benefits of getting to know you apparent.
BELIEVE IN YOUR PRODUCT
IN ADVERTISING:
If a salesman or advertiser doesn’t believe in his product he will have a hard time convincing others to buy it. His lack of pride will shine through in spite of his best efforts to hide his low opinion of it.
IN ONLINE DATING:
You need to have a high opinion of yourself. If you don’t you will have a hard time writing a positive, genuine ad selling yourself. Even if you do manage to write an ad any women you meet will be turned off by your insecurity and lack of confidence. On the other hand, you don’t want to sound full of yourself.
SEEK COMMON GROUND:
IN ADVERTISING:
Who would you be more likely to buy from? Someone that is a complete opposite from you or someone that is similar to you in some way? For instance, if a salesman was from your hometown wouldn’t you be more inclined to buy from him than someone that was from, say, Lansing, Wyoming?
IN ONLINE DATING: Communicate things in your profile that people can relate to: what town you are from, where you are going in life (goals, dreams, etc.), what makes you laugh, things you really enjoy about life. When people love to talk about these things and hear about others.

What else to know…
There are three “golden” qualities that you should try to communicate in your profile since these are three of the most popular traits that women look for in men:

1. Sense of Humor…

Don’t take this too seriously – dating is about fun. Joke around a little in your profile.

2. Integrity…

This is kind of difficult to communicate. The best way is to state that you expect anyone who responds to your ad to have integrity. The assumption is that you expect the same of yourself.

3. Self-confidence…

Don’t confuse self-confidence with boasting, being cocky, or bragging. The best way to communicate self-confidence is to talk about your aspirations and goals which we discussed earlier.
For more on this see the Profile Checklist included with this purchase.
I’ll double check you…
If you follow the guidelines in this section you should end up with a fairly decent personal ad. But, to make sure, you are more than welcome to send me your ad for review.
I will make changes or write some comments and then send it back to you. It always helps to have someone look over your ad for any negative subtleties that you were unknowingly communicating.
For example, some guys accidentally send subtle messages of desperation and neediness without realizing it… a sure way to make sure women DON’T respond to your ad.
I’ll also check for spelling errors.
Good sample…
So what does a good profile look like? Here are some (modified) ones:
If my friends were to describe me in one word they would say…goofy. I love to be happy and to laugh most of the time. It seems to make the days go by quicker, and who wants to be

unhappy anyway? I grew up 15 miles west of NY, NY, and I have been living here in Utah for the past 3 years. I work for a government contractor at Eglin Air Force Base. The aircraft that I maintain fly everybody from foreign delegates to the directors of the FBI and CIA to the Vice President of the United States, and everybody in between. On my off time I enjoy watching sports, hockey, football, baseball and sometimes woman’s tennis. Hockey is my favorite to watch. Nothing beats a body check into the boards as the crowd cheers the home team on to victory. . I also love to play hockey, football, and tennis when I get the chance. Being that I’m half Italian I love to cook and drink wine. I didn’t have to go to college to get my degree in culinary arts. My mother’s side of the family taught me everything I need to know. My hobbies include hiking and skydiving in the spring (the best season), investing in a diverse range of stocks, bonds, and funds. That just about summarizes who I am, if you have any questions email me.
I like this ad for several reasons. First, you get a good sense of this guy’s personality. Remember, 15.1% of those surveyed on AmericanSingles.com said that their biggest turn off was that “they sound just like everyone else.” It is easy to fall into the “canned” answers but don’t.
Also, he included a call to action at the end. By saying “if you have any questions email me” he got the women who are reading this profile started in that direction.
Finally, I liked how he made himself sound interesting. Really, he doesn’t have a very exciting life/job/hobbies but he picked out those things that were somewhat interesting and embellished them with detail. Excellent strategy.
I also think excellent how he started it out was good with the “If my friends were to describe me…”
Bad sample…
Finding what not to do was a much easier task…
Hi, my name is Dave. I'm a down to earth kinda guy, that enjoys the simple things surrounding me everyday. No matter where life brings me, things always turn out for the best. I enjoy taking walks after work with my best friend Ally (Great Dane). In the summer, what little we have in Duluth, I take pleasure in working my vegetable garden. I have been remodeling my house this past year, which has taken most of my free time after work and on my free weekends. My job has taken me to many interesting places around the country and few places around the globe. I also love to have fun and spend time with friends and family. I'm equally adept to spending a quiet nite at home or one out on the town. I don't have a problem with keeping myself busy, but I find that with most of my friends married I too would like to have someone to share my time with. Well, that's just the tip of the iceberg so send me a line.

“Hi, my name’s Dave!”
Gag. I couldn’t have fabricated a worse profile than this if I had tried. It’s sickeningly sweet (no, most women DON’T like that), it’s painfully generic, he makes his life sound boring, there is absolutely no personality, and he sounds desperate (“Everyone’s married except me…boohooooo… please marry me?”).
The only thing he did right was the “call to action” at the end.

Profile On Top

As a rule you will be the one actively seeking women – you can’t expect them to come to you.
But, that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t put yourself in a position where, if a woman is out on the prowl, she will find you.
A woman will find you by doing a search on all the profiles. If you happen to match her search criteria then your profile should appear. Obviously, the if your profile is number three as opposed to say, number 333.
The great thing is that where your profile appears in the pile can be manipulated. Most people never realize this. Here is how to keep your profile at the top of the list…
By logging into your account AND changing your profile daily.
Now, by changing your profile I don’t mean that you have to rewrite the entire thing. Rather, you can change anything, no matter how small and insignificant. Just changing a period to an explanation point will do the trick.
The reason this works if fairly obvious – it is in the best interest of the owners of the personals site to give their users the profiles that are most “active” and fresh.

Huge List of Womens

Most online personals sites allow you to do a search on specific criteria and view all the profiles that “match”. When you do a search try not to be too picky or strict. Go ahead and put in a larger distance and even include some of the women with the bigger body types (women are very critical of their bodies and will sometimes put themselves in bigger body type categories than you would).
Within each profile there is an “add to list” or “add to favorites” option. Using this option you can compile a list of women you would potentially like to date.
Put all of the women that you are even remotely interested in and add them to your “wish list” of women.
This is no time to be picky – for right now you aren’t worried about exact matches or small flaws. In fact, you may not even want to read through their profile.
It’s best if you just go by the pictures first.
Simply target your search by age and location and maybe one other filter that is really important to you (like weight maybe). Add all the women that are even mildly attractive.
Don’t limit your options yet – that will come later.
It’s strange, some of the most attractive women that I have met online had mediocre pictures that made them look average. In fact, one of the most beautiful women I have ever met had a picture posted that almost made her look ugly. I’m so glad I didn’t pass that one over. You will probably have similar experiences.

Email Dating

Women have it easy…
Most reasonably attractive women on the bigger online dating sites get hundreds of responses to their ads every week. I’m serious, all a woman has to do is post a half-decent profile and a picture… men swarm her.
We men, well, even online we still have to be the pursuer/hunter. We don’t have the luxury of sitting back and watching all the emails from interested women pour in.
No, we have to send out the emails to get noticed.
Which is fine, we can accept our role in the world, but with all that competition it is very, VERY easy for your email to get lost in her inbox, go unnoticed, or just plain get deleted for lack of apparent value.
Your biggest challenge in sending out emails is to be DIFFERENT from all those other guys. You need to give her a reason to respond. You need to show her something that will motivate her to write back. If you can do that you will be light years ahead of all the other guys sending boring, cliché emails.
So, this point begs the question: how do you separate yourself from all the other guys?
To answer that let’s view this whole online dating thing from a woman’s perspective…
She logs on to Mate1 to check her inbox.
Lo and behold – 58 new email messages!
To a guy this might be a dream come true but to a woman it’s, “Oh great, now I have to weed through all the losers…”
You see… it’s work to them.

Here is the typical email she receives:
“Hello BigBertha79,
I saw your profile, you are VERY beautiful. I am a NS, 25 year old SWM. I live in Baltimore, MD which is pretty close to you. I think we would be a good match because you are good looking.
Sincerely,
Jim”
... after looking at about 10 of these generic, lifeless, somewhat insulting emails from men a woman just starts automatically deleting the ones that don’t strike her as interesting after a moment or two.
This is out of necessity that your email be different –she is receiving a TON of these emails and truly doesn’t have time to answer all of them. Not only can she can afford to be selective – she HAS to be selective.
Here is how to get noticed:

DON’T KISS HER BUTT:
People look down on people while they are kissing their butt. Don’t sound desperate and don’t sound like you are below her. Don’t tell her she is beautiful – she’s tired of hearing that from guys. If you MUST compliment then compliment her on her interests.

LET YOUR PERSONALITY SHOW:
Don’t send another boring email. But also don’t be that wacko who just lets it all hang out. Those guys over do it. It’s good to throw in a little humor (as long as you are sure it’s funny). Experiment a little, be creative.

SELL YOURSELF:
Give her a reason to want to get to know you better. Without bragging show her why you are worth getting to know better.

Here is the secret to getting her to respond to your email…

Ask a simple question (that she would enjoy answering) at the end of the email. This practically forces her to respond.
The question makes it easy for her to think of something to say to you (since all she has to do is answer your question) and since it should be a question that is based on one of her interests she mentioned in her profile she will enjoy answering and she will be quite eager to do it!
Very effective!
To make it a question that you know she will enjoy answering just use her profile and ask a question about one of her interests, hobbies, pets, etc. (avoid questions about careers… BORING).
For instance, if she states in her profile that she enjoys rock climbing then ask her if she has climbed a particular mountain in your area.
Or, if she says she likes dogs ask her which breed of dog she likes and why.
Those examples are kind of cheesy (I’m just trying to explain what I mean) but you get the idea. By asking her about something that she will obviously enjoy talking about you make it very likely that she will respond because it will be easy for her to respond.
Be careful not to include too many questions in your emails, 2-3 tops. More and she will feel like she is filling out a job application. Ask the questions that are most important to you first and then go from there.
What to do…
Go through the list of women that you picked out in the last step and read through their profile. Craft an appealing email and send it.
Do this 3-5 times a day. Doing it more will make you lose interest and, after a while, all your emails will sound the same. You don’t want to get burnt out on this because it’s important.
But, more importantly, when women start responding you don’t want to be so swamped that you can’t keep them straight and/or you can’t see all of them so you have to turn some down!
I’m serious; this is a very real concern.
So you’ve gone through your list of potentials, now what?
You don’t need this information now but just keep it in mind for later…

After you’ve gone through your entire list of women (which should have taken at least a month) you should do a specific kind of search on the profiles.
Most personal ad sites allow you to search for all profiles created recently (during the past month, during the past week, etc.). These “fresh” profiles won’t be on the list that you made earlier. Each week or so do a search on the new profiles and send out emails to the women you are interested in.

Emailing etiquette…
If a woman asks you a question that is in your profile, don’t give her a hard time about it, just answer it. People read profiles, they don’t memorize them.
Don’t complain if a woman takes a long time to get back to you. This just makes you look desperate.

Some example emails…
Hey,
Never let your guard down? Geez, sounds like you’ve had some REALLY bad relationships in the past. That’s alright though, your luck is about to change…☺
You said that you enjoyed bowling, what’s your best score? (I’m a somewhat experienced bowler myself).
TTYL,
Craig
Short and sweet. Showed personality and asked a question which she will be motivated to respond to.

Email to IM

About transitioning from online to “real life”…
The transition from online to offline is a delicate process. In fact, this is one of the major snags that men run into that destroys their success with net dating.
It’s easy to get stuck in an endless cycle of emailing back and forth.
Getting a real “date” as soon as possible is essential. After all, that is the whole point of online dating. Still, you wouldn’t believe how many guys just end up writing emails back and forth with a girl… and that’s it. More often than not, at some point she just stops writing back and the guy moves on to the next girl wondering what went wrong. Here is what went wrong…
You can’t create attraction through email.
It’s just not going to happen. Attraction and chemistry happens in real life, face-to-face encounters. All endless emailing does is give you an opportunity for your mouth to get you into trouble. You’ll say something wrong or something she doesn’t like and she will cross you off her list. And, that won’t be hard for her to do because she doesn’t have any attraction for you at that point – only a very vague, very fragile interest in you.
So your goal should be to set up a date as soon as possible before the momentum of having “just met” dies down.
But, here we run into another problem…
Unfortunately, online dating got a bad rep early on… people thought that online dating was only used by two types of people – nerds and psychos.
If you get a little too aggressive and/or sound a little too eager about setting up a real date, a woman may become suspicious that you are of the latter group (the psychos).

A delicate balance between the passive (endless emailing) and aggressive (asking too soon) is needed.
Hence the need for “transitioning” which is basically a sequence of “baby steps” to make moving into real world dating comfortable and non-threatening while still maintaining the momentum and urgency needed to so that the contact between you and your potential date doesn’t become stale and stagnant.
Here is how and why transitioning works…
A woman will not feel comfortable meeting you in the real world until she is at least somewhat certain that you are not an axe murderer.
Since you aren’t (you aren’t right?) the best way to do this is to give her a variety of increasingly more “intimate” experiences with you.
If you “just send a few emails back and forth” a woman won’t feel that she knows you very well and will likely think you are moving too fast asking for a “real date.”
But, if you email, talk on IM, talk on the phone and THEN ask for the date she will be many times more comfortable and thus much more likely to say “YES.”
Don’t ask me why, this is just a quirk of human nature – the more varied our experiences with someone the better we feel we know them. A woman would feel she knows you better after only 3 emails, 10 minutes on IM, and 15 minutes on the phone than she would if you emailed her 75 times.
Email is good for only one thing…
For our purposes email is to be used for one thing and one thing only… getting her IM screen name so that you can transition quickly to that.
Here is how it should go up to this point… you find a woman with an interesting profile, you send her a unique email, she responds, you respond back and ask her for her IM name.
Once you get her screen name just IM back and forth for a little bit – 10 minutes at the most. You will probably want to talk to her for longer but DON’T. Resist the temptation!
Here’s three very important reasons why…
1.) There are few things that will make you seem more boring (and less attractive) than a lull in conversation. Staying on IM until the conversation runs dry is “attraction murder”… it leaves a figurative bad taste in her mouth afterwards.

On the other hand, getting off while the conversation is still rolling and going well will leave her with a great impression of you. Plus, she will be wanting more and building a healthy amount of anticipation for your next meeting.

2.) Just like with email, attraction is not created over IM. It just won’t happen. In fact, as you communicate on the phone, on IM, or in email without having a meeting in the real world, her interest is very slowly fading.

3.) Wearing out your welcome. People like to talk for a while but after a certain point people may want to, or need to, do something else and aren’t quite sure how to say it. So, they keep talking but in their mind they are thinking “Jeez, can’t this person take a hint?” It annoys the girl and makes the guy look clueless thereby lowering attraction and hurting your chances of success.

Make talking to you valuable…
Don’t talk to her all the time – you don’t want to make yourself too available or she will have no reason to want to meet you on a date.
One drawback to IM is that a woman can see when you are online which makes the scarcity mentality hard to create if you are online a lot. So, if you are online a lot you may want to block her IM name.
For this reason I recommend creating a whole new IM account to use for dating purposes.
So, talk to her on IM for 10-15 minutes. After about that amount of time, wait for a connection and then ask her for her number.
A connection is a positive experience the two of you share. It might be that you made her laugh, you might of realized you had something in common, etc.
Whatever the case, ask for her number IMMEDIATELY after the connection occurs.
This way she will be more likely to say yes. Ask her when the best time to call is, thank her and then GET OFF.

Again, IM for about 10-15 minutes then, at the close of the conversation, which should still be rolling along at a decent clip, you should say that you have to go but you would like to talk to her again.
Then ask for her phone number.
She shouldn’t have too many reservations about giving it to you. If she does then just tease her a little bit. Say “Oh come on, it’s just your phone number…” If she still resists then let it go.
Don’t be afraid to call her the next day – the three day waiting thing is a silly myth most women don’t care. In fact, now that everyone knows about the three day waiting rule it almost makes you look foolish if you wait exactly three days.

Date On Phone

How to use the phone…
The phone has just one main purpose and that is to set up a date. As with emailing and IMing, the phone is not a means of getting to know the woman through long drawn out conversation – save that stuff for the real date where you can create “sparks and chemistry.”
This phone conversation is just so that you can talk long enough to create some kind of connection and then ask her for the date.
So, just to review…
Email is good for one thing… getting the IM screen name. IM is good for one thing… getting the phone number. And the phone is good for only one thing… getting the date.
Having a phone conversation let’s the woman hear your voice which is very reassuring. This way she can tell you are a nice guy and get a good idea of your personality (you also get a good idea of her personality and can abort at any time before meeting which is VERY convenient sometimes – like if the “woman” on the other end has a voice like James Earl Jones).
How to hear “Yes, I would love to do that with you…”
If you are like most guys then the experience of asking a girl out on a date can be a little nerve-racking.
What if she says no? How can you increase your chances of her saying yes?
Here’s a tip that works wonders…
When most guys ask a woman to go out on a date they say, “Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to go out some time to do something.”
What’s wrong with that?

BOOOOORING.
“Do something?” What woman wants to go out and “do something”?
No woman I know. By using that wording you are already setting yourself up for a rejection. “Do something” sounds so boring, so vague, and, by extension, so easy to reject.
Knowing that, here’s the key to setting yourself up for success:
Ask her to go out on a specific date – one that you KNOW she will be interested in.
SIDENOTE: Unless you are certain that she really, really likes (and trusts you) then you should go out on a short date (1 hour or less) just to get to know each other before asking her out on a longer date (such as a football game). Good “short dates” include lunch dates and coffee dates.
You already have her profile of exact interests. Create a date idea centered on one of her interests.
If she likes football get some tickets - it doesn’t matter if they are cheap (of course, you may want to wait until she says yes to buy the tickets).
If she stated that she liked the water ask her out to a beach picnic.
If she loves the beach then how could she possibly say no to a fun-filled day on the sandy shore?
If she is a HUGE football fan then how could she possibly turn down a chance to see your home team play?
See what I’m saying? Now, if you contact her.
Try to keep the activity around lots of people – that way she will feel completely comfortable. Bad ideas are movies (too typical) and anything at your house or alone (too threatening).
So, set up the date and THEN GET OFF THE PHONE…
This isn’t a time to talk about your childhood or your big dreams for the future.
You are simply setting up a date – that’s it.
1. Call her.

2. Talk for a little until you create a connection.

3. Ask for the date.

4. Set up the date.
5. Politely end the conversation.
How long should the transition take?…
How fast is too fast to go from email to asking for the date? How slow is too slow?
Trying to do this in less than a week is too fast. If it drags on to more than three weeks then that is too slow.
If you try to speed things up a little and she resists then you can assume that her interest in you is low and concentrate on another woman instead (asking to talk on the phone is not unreasonable).

First Date

Getting repeat dates…
You’ve found the perfect woman (hopefully) and now it’s time for the big moment, time to actually meet her… don’t worry, although this information could be considered outside the realm of online dating, I won’t leave you hanging.
In order to get another date with a woman the current date has to go well. Every date is the catalyst for the next date. In other words, if a woman has the time of her life on this first date OF COURSE she is going to want to go out with you again. On the other hand, if the date is boring to her then the next date proposal will be met with thoughts of:
“Gee, I didn’t have much fun last time I went out with him, why would I want to go out again? I need an excuse FAST….”
Here are some tips to make sure that your first date is one she will always remember (for good reasons ☺) and will make sure that you get the repeat dates:

- arrive on time

- tip well

- end on time (or, better yet, before you want to)

- let her do the talking

- no flowers (embarrassing and awkward until you get to know each other)

- relax and have fun (#1 mistake – clamming up and appearing lifeless, spineless, and boring).

- Be, and do, exciting things

- avoid places where everyone knows you (this will make her feel like an outsider which will NOT make her think you are popular, etc.)

- Be polite (but don’t kiss butt – don’t be afraid to tease but do be chivalrous, this is a sexy combination.)

First impressions stick… so make good ones…
I’ve included here an article that I sent out to my email subscribers not too long ago:

==============================================
FIRST IMPRESSIONS STICK… SO LEAVE GREAT ONES
==============================================

You know how they say that a first impression
takes 10 seconds to make and 10 years to
change? Well, that's pretty much true.
But, people usually say it in such a negative
way. As if to say "You had better make a good
impression or that woman isn't EVER going to
like you."
But there IS a very positive side to it
also...
In the same way that it takes many good
interactions to change a bad first
impression, it takes a lot of screw-ups and
bad interactions in order to change a *good*
first impression.
As long as you leave a stellar first
impression on a woman you can afford to make
a few mistakes later on.
The unchangeable nature of first impressions
actually works in your favor IF you know
exactly how to make good first impressions.
So, that begs the question... how can you
leave a positive, lasting impression on a
woman that you just met? How can you keep her
from immediately sticking you in the "loser
category" in her mind? How can you project
the kind of exceptional first impression that
will have you seared into her mind as a very
attractive, very dateable man?
I don't know if you've noticed but in these
articles I send out to you I always stress
how important it is that a woman respects
you. If a woman doesn't respect you she
cannot feel attraction for you.
Respect is to women what looks are to men. A
woman dating a man she doesn't respect is
like a man dating a borderline ugly woman.
Yes, it's that important to them.
So, the trick to first impressions, or at

least the biggest barrier to overcome, is
just to make sure that they see you as a
respectable male, someone that they can
admire and lust after.
These types of men are not nervous around
women. They are not timid. They do not treat
them like they are special. They treat
beautiful women just like they treat everyone
else.
The problem most men have with first
impressions is that they meet a woman and
they are intimidated by her beauty. They act
a little more passive, they get a little
nervous, the get a little tongue-tied... all
of which contribute to her getting a bad
first impression.
How do you treat a beautiful woman like she's
not a beautiful woman?
That's hard but not impossible - here's a
little "mind" trick that you can use to make
sure that you leave a perfect impression on a
woman you are just meeting. This technique is
actually being used by all kinds of people
from corporate executives who want to leave a
good impression on their big clients to
people who just want to get ahead socially.
Why?
Because it works. Here it is...
Imagine in your mind that this woman you are
about to talk to is a close old friend that
you haven't seen for years. You've tried to
contact them but couldn't track them down.
Seeing them again would delight you, wouldn't
it?
You wouldn't be nervous. You wouldn't treat
them like they are above you. You wouldn't be
tongue tied.
In fact, your eyes would sparkle, you would
smile, you would be energetic and outgoing.
Next time you are about to meet a woman think
of her as this "old friend."
Using this little technique you can "trick"
your mind so that you feel and, more
importantly, act completely relaxed so that
you will leave a great first impression that
will, hopefully, stick around for "10 years."

CONCLUSION

I know that if you follow the advice outlined in this guide you will get the most out of your online dating experience.
The techniques outlined in this guide, though oftentimes very subtle, will make a big difference to your results.
In conclusion I just want to provide you with a review of the biggest, most important, points:

- Your personal ad should “sell” you:

o List benefits with your features.

o Don’t sound needy

o Make your life seem exciting

- When responding to a woman’s profile your email must be different and exciting or it will be deleted.

- Baby steps are used to transition from online to offline:

o Email is use to get the IM screen name

o IM is used to get the phone number

o and the phone is used to get the date.

- Asking for a desired response will increase the likelihood that you will get that desired response:

o Ask them to respond to your personal ad at the end of your ad

o Ask them to respond to your email at the end of your first email to them.

- On the date remember to relax. Getting uptight and nervous is the best way to leave a bad impression. Nervousness kills personality; it makes you seem boring and inhibited – not the kind of exciting type women are looking for.

- To increase your chances of success establish a connection before asking to get a woman’s phone number or asking her out on a date (also very useful for marriage proposals).

- It is important to transition from online to offline fairly quickly using baby steps so that you don’t lose momentum with a woman.

- To create a good first impression use the “old friend” technique to change your mindset (which will change your outward actions for the better.)

- On the date keep the conversation light and positive.

o Let her talk about herself as much as possible. If she asks a question then answer it but then, as soon as it is convenient, turn the conversation back on her.

o Don’t talk about your flaws. She will notice them ALL THE TIME after you point them out to her and it WILL make her like you less (unfortunately you DON’T come across as humble).

- The size of the personals site you join makes a BIG difference. Other qualities of the website are important but secondary.

Many, many people have found their “soul mate” using online dating. I wish you the same success…